I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Randomize
