Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
