U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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