we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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