I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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