she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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