We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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