I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
