This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
