You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
