im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
