i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We had sex on a dog bed..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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