HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
