Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
