i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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