dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
