1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
