there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
