I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
