from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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