he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize