would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
sex in a hospital.. check
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
