Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize