Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
two words: eviction party
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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