It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
