i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
