He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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