it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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