Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
