My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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