My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
