Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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