Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
