note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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