i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize