Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
