I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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