Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
