are you so shy because you have an std?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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