I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize