I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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