You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
