the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
