Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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