Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
