Im at strip club and am horny
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
