So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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