Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
