why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
