is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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