just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she looked like the before picture.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
