drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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