I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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