it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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