he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
