im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
