I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
