i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
