You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
