But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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