There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
