Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
