There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm both gender and math confused
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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