Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
