why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
