i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
