and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize