I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
