I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize