Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need a beard to bite.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
