420 ftw
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Use "feeling words"
Yay
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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