$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
