am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
