I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
