On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is the high leading the old right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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