He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
