I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
