Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
