She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
