Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize