I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
