Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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