He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We are two peas in an std pod
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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