just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
