if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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