whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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