they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
