Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
