end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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