Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
